Same Plot, Different Shinigami
by Veleda
Summary: Using blueprints he finds in Urahara's garbage, Aizen builds an interuniversal transporter and espresso machine. Now Muraki and Aizen have joined forces, and it will take shinigami from both worlds to stop them.
1. In Which We Learn Why it's Important to

**Chapter One: In Which We Learn Why it's Important to Always Dispose of Your Trash Properly**

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"So, what is it?" Gin tilted his head, peering at the strange contraption in the middle of the room. It wasn't the first time an ominous, unfamiliar device had appeared at headquarters, but this one didn't seem to be an implement of torture.

Aizen had clearly been waiting for the question to be asked, and he just about swelled with pride. "An inter-universal transporter and espresso machine," he answered grandly.

"Great," said Gin. He paused. "Why do we need one of those?"

"Why should I settle for being God of only this world? With this I can expand my domain until I am the ruler of countless universes."

Gin's expression was suitably impressed. "Where did you find it?"

"The blueprints were in Urahara's garbage," Aizen answered.

Gin smiled. (Well, he smiled wider. It would be difficult to notice unless you were familiar with Gin's facial expressions. Which Aizen was.) "So, when are you going to try it out?"

"Right now," Aizen replied. "Come." He pulled a lever on the side of the machine, and it began to whirr. He turned to a row of buttons beside the door. "Do you take sugar or cream?"

"Sugar please," Gin chirped.

Aizen pressed two buttons. "Now we go… on toward our destiny." He stepped inside the transporter (and espresso machine). Gin followed, wondering if Aizen realized how ridiculous he sounded sometimes.

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Muraki Kazutaka checked the temperature of the vat of fluid next to him. If he could just get the temperature right, the current collection of chemicals should provide he optimum environment for cell regeneration. Ah, it needed to be raised a few degrees. Muraki set to work. It was a very delicate procedure, and—

The inter-universal transporter (and espresso machine) appeared with a bright flash of light. The contraption hung suspended in the air for half a second before falling on its side with a resounding crash.

Muraki could do little more than stare at what had once been a workstation, but was now a heap of rubble underneath what Muraki's fine, scientific mind could only describe as a thingamajig.

"That was some espresso," a voice that was far too cheerful for the situation pronounced from within the device that had so unsettled Muraki's routine.

Most people would have looked disheveled and foolish climbing out of the upturned contraption, but luckily Aizen and Gin were protected by their s-factor. S-factor ("s" stands for "suave") is a special ability many villains posses which allows them to appear calm and collected in almost any situation. It was due to the s-factor that Aizen and Gin emerged from the transporter/espresso machine looking dignified, with expressions that clearly said "we meant to do that."

Muraki appeared entirely undisturbed by the very recent developments (he possessed plenty of s-factor, himself). He simply looked at the two men attempting to stand and asked, "May I inquire as to where you gentlemen are from?"

Aizen had just finished brushing himself off, and was about to invent a convincing lie, when Gin opened his mouth.

"We're shinigami," he explained bluntly, the near manic smile still firmly attached to his face. Aizen resisted the urge to rub his temple. That was the problem with Gin: he had a tendency to say and do the unexpected, and you couldn't always be sure that what he said or did would be in your best interest.

Muraki raised an eyebrow. "While that is an interesting, and original, explanation, your spiritual energy is quite different from any shinigami I have ever encountered."

Aizen hadn't planned on telling this man anything, but as he spoke, Aizen felt his defenses lower. There was something about the man's voice—something familiar and understandable. He cleared his throat in an authoritarian manner.

"I am Aizen Sousuke, and this is my subordinate, Ichimaru Gin. We are indeed shinigami; however, we are not from your world."

Muraki nodded slightly. If he was at all surprised that shinigami from another universe had crash landed in his lab, he didn't show it. "I see," he said. "Well, whatever business you have, I ask you to do it elsewhere. I have much work to do"

Aizen found himself intrigued. What could a man like this be working on? "And what type of work might that be, Mr…?" He realized that he did not know the man's name.

"Muraki," Muraki replied. "Muraki Kazutaka." He looked at Aizen and Gin for a long moment, studying them as if they were specimens in formaldehyde. Finally a small, curious smile graced his face. "As for my work, I am a doctor of medicine. I also dabble in attempting post-mortem regeneration. I wish to surpass the limitations of mortality."

Aizen's eyes gleamed and a confident smile spread across his face. "Muraki-sensei, that is a fascinating coincidence. I am on a journey to accomplish much the same thing. I have made excellent progress toward Godhood. My body and abilities are far beyond what is considered normal for my world."

Muraki's eyes took on a peculiar glint. He stepped forward, and touched Aizen's cheek lightly. Aizen clamped down on the urge to back away. He was not a man who was easily unsettled, but there was something about this Muraki-sensei that made him distinctly uncomfortable.

"You aren't as lovely as my beloved Tsuzuki-san, or even that irritating boy," Muraki mused, seemingly more to himself than anyone else, "but I believe you will do." He reached out and captured Aizen in a viselike grip. Aizen started, and tried to push Muraki off, but the doctor was surprisingly strong. Aizen began to thrash around.

"Gin, get this man off of me!" Gin, however, was busy righting the transporter (and espresso machine), and inspecting the buttons near the door.

"Ooh, it has hazelnut syrup," he noted happily. Aizen continued to bellow orders, but soon his shouting was drowned out by Muraki's mad cackling and cries of "Saki! Soon I will have a body for you!" Eventually the doctor pulled Aizen into a back room, closing a heavy metal door behind the two of them with an echoing clang.

_I suppose this means that the position for God/Emperor of the Universe is now wide open_, Gin thought. He peered at the buttons on the transporter/espresso machine, finally decided on a low fat cappuccino (Gods had to watch their figures, after all), and stepped into the machine.

Maybe he'd make Rangiku his empress.

Meanwhile—

Ichigo awoke to the sound of heated voices. _Where the hell am I_? he wondered. He remembered Urahara explaining that Aizen had built an inter-universal transporter (and espresso machine—why the hell did the thing need an espresso machine?). He remembered yelling at Urahara not to leave the blueprints for his bizarre inventions in the trash. He remembered Urahara shoving him and Rukia into Uruhara's own transporter (and freaking espresso machine). He remembered Rukia kicking the stupid thing because it wouldn't give her a raspberry mocha. He remembered a flash of light, a crash, and… well, that pretty much brought him up to date.

As Ichigo's mind cleared, he was able to make out what the voices above him were saying.

"Maybe we should give them apple pie."

"Idiot, apple pie isn't going to help."

"Well, it couldn't hurt."

Ichigo opened his eyes. Standing above him were two young men. One looked about Ichigo's age, while the other was some years older. Ichigo opened his mouth. "Bwah?" was his first eloquent statement. The younger man turned his head at the sound, and his eyes met Ichigo's.

"Oh, you're awake," he said matter-of-factly.

"Where am I?" Ichigo managed to croak out. "Who are you people?" he added for good measure.

"You're in Meifu, the land of the dead," the boy answered. "I'm Kurosaki Hisoka, and this," he jerked his thumb toward the older man who gave Ichigo a cheery wave, "is Tsuzuki Asato."

"Kuro…saki…" Ichigo repeated dumbly. At that point he decided that staying awake was way too much work. He had one last coherent thought before he entered the welcoming arms of unconsciousness.

He was going to kill Urahara.

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Author's Note: For people wondering why Aizen was so entranced by Muraki's voice, I was making a reference to the fact that Aizen and Muraki have the same voice actor, Show Hayami, a fact that amuses me endlessly.


	2. In Which Much Ado Is Made Over the name

**Chapter Two: In Which Much Ado is Made Over the Name Kurosaki, and a Wanna-be God Makes a Deal with the Devil**

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Aizen was going to hurt Gin. He was keeping himself quite amused by imagining all of the horrible, painful things he was going to do to Gin. His current favorite involved a tub of lard, honey, and a mound of fire ants.

A high pitched whirring reminded Aizen that he had more pressing concerns than Gin's untimely (and painful) demise. He tried to discern what was making the noise, but whatever it was wasn't straight above him, and a leather strap around his neck made turning his head difficult.

Aizen longed for his Zanpaktou. Muraki seemed to have recognized its innate power, and had set it aside for later study. Damned man had managed to grab it before Aizen even had a chance to draw.

Muraki disturbed Aizen in general. Not only had been able to wrest Aizen's Zanpaktou away from him, he had also been able to counter Aizen's kidou. He was a force to be reckoned with.

Aizen jerked at the cuffs at his wrists and ankles, and concluded that they were just as strong and just as metal as they had been thirty seconds ago.

He needed a plan. That should be simple enough. Aizen was a master planner. Step one…he'd come back to that one. Step two…ok, he'd skip that one too. He continued in that manner until he got to the final step: hurt Gin. Unfortunately that brought him right back to where he started.

He noticed a flash of moment out of the corner of his eye. Muraki was walking toward him, holding large, gleaming knife. Desperate, Aizen blurted out the first thing that came into his head.

"Sensei, if I may offer a suggestion?" Yes, that was perfect. He sounded perfectly calm and composed. He didn't sound at all panicked about the fact that A MADMAN WAS GOING TO CUT OFF HIS HEAD!

Muraki smiled pleasantly, and tilted his head. "Certainly, Aizen-san."

"I have given the matter some thought," he was thinking about how to NOT TO GET HIS HEAD CUT OFF, "and I don't think that this is the wisest course of action."

Muraki shook his head. "Aizen-san, I'm afraid your viewpoint is likely to be biased."

Aizen nodded as much as the strap around his neck would allow. "True. However, I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't think I could make you a better offer." His eyes glinted.

Muraki paused. He pondered for a minute, weighing Aizen's words. Finally, he smiled, and accepted the bait. "I'm listening."

Aizen launched into a spiel he had had all of thirty seconds to prepare. "While I won't deny that my body is magnificent and admirable in many, many ways, I am far from indestructible." It galled him to admit such weakness, but it was necessary.

"You told me that you had made 'excellent progress toward Godhood.'" Muraki pointed out.

Feeling affronted, Aizen defended himself. "The glorious road to Godhood is complex and complicated. Many are too simple to understand it." He noticed the look in Muraki's eyes, and the knife in his hand. "Though I'm sure you would have no trouble at all. I probably haven't been explaining it well." Aizen's pride was sore, but Muraki appeared placated. Aizen continued. "Ah, anyway, despite my many incredible achievements, I am not yet invulnerable, and therefore of little use to you. However, there are a few in my world who would be suitable."

Muraki raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

"A young lady by the name of Kurotsuchi Nemu would be a fine choice. She was created to be durable. Her creator, Kurotsuchi Mayuri would do as well. The man may have made himself indestructible." Mayuri had always disturbed Aizen. It would be nice to get rid of him. He had nothing against Nemu, but sometimes sacrifices had to be made for the greater good. (That was to say, the greater good of Aizen. Which was what mattered.)

Speaking of people Aizen wouldn't mind getting rid of…a wonderful idea seized Aizen's mind. It immediately built a barricade, and held all of his other ideas hostage.

"There's one more," Aizen began, a slow smile spreading over his face, "a young man named Kurosaki Ichigo."

Muraki paused, and his eyes widened for the barest fraction of a second. "Kurosaki, you say? And he's from your world?"

Aizen nodded, or at least tried to. He was getting really tired of that strap. "Kurosaki," if that's the name that got a reaction, then that's the name he would use, "is remarkably resilient. He has recovered from wounds that I would have sworn were fatal."

Muraki considered this. "This Kurosaki," he questioned, "is he attractive?"

Aizen just stared, perplexed. Why in the world would that matter? Anyway, it wasn't as if he had ever thought about Kurosaki that way…at least, not often. Well, that was…it was simply…ALL RIGHT THAT LINE OF THINKING WAS OVER.

"Well," Aizen replied at last, "in a scruffy sort of way, I guess."

Muraki looked disappointed. "How unfortunate," he muttered absently. "Then again, a man must know his priorities." Muraki went silent, considering everything he had been told. Aizen held his breath. Finally, after what felt like an hour, Muraki smiled. It was not a nice smile. It was the smile of a cat that discovers that the birdcage door has been left open. He closed in on Aizen, knife glinting, and Aizen put all of his willpower into not cringing. The knife slid under the leather strap…and Aizen started as the strap was cut neatly in half. He stared as the cuffs around his wrists and ankles were released. Aizen stood, using all of his self-control to keep from wobbling. Once he regained his balance, he looked Muraki in the eyes.

Muraki held out his hand, sinister smile still on his face. Aizen eyes the hand warily, as if he expected it to leap up and bite him.

Muraki chuckled. "Come now, Aizen-san, I'm willing to let bygones be bygones.

_You weren't the one about to be decapitated_, Aizen was tempted to retort, but instead he summoned all of his s-factor (see chapter one), smiled coolly, and grasped Muraki's hand. "Well, everyone makes mistakes," Aizen said amiably, though there was something sharp in his voice, "but I hope you won't be making any more during our partnership.

Muraki kept smiling, but his eyes narrowed. "Of course not," he said pleasantly. "Shall we begin to discuss our plans? I'm eager to hear your suggestions."

Aizen eyed his Zanpaktou. "About my sword—"

"All in good time, Muraki interrupted. "I am a very busy man." _With access to many sharp objects_ went unsaid, but Aizen heard it loud and clear. "All right, Sensei," Aizen replied, his voice magnanimous. "Now, our first order of business is to return to my world. Once there, you can have your pick of test subjects."

"And how do you plan to get there?" Muraki asked. "Your associate left with your traveling device."

Damn, Aizen had hoped that Muraki had forgotten that. He waved the question off. "Yes, I'm well aware, but it would be child's play to build a new one. I would only need the proper parts." Aizen had no idea how to build a new inter-dimensional transporter (and espresso machine). The design was far to complicated. Without the blueprints he was lost. Curse Urahara and his mad genius!

Muraki nodded. "I should be able to acquire any equipment you need. I may need to pull a few strings for anything rare, but the results will be worth it." Muraki smiled again, but it was much different from his earlier smiles. This smile was triumphant, the smile of a man who was about finally about to grasp something that had been out of reach for far too long. Aizen noted it carefully. Facial expressions were fascinating things. The most silent of men could reveal everything by the look in their eyes. That was why Aizen preferred to keep the same vague smile on his face at all times. This Muraki was a dangerous man. The more Aizen knew the better.

"But forgive me," Muraki said suddenly. "I am being a terrible host. There are more comfortable places to discuss business." He strode over to a keypad, and entered a code that Aizen couldn't see. A heavy metal door opened, and Aizen hurried to follow the doctor.

They walked quickly through the lab that Aizen and Gin had first crashed into. Aizen wished that he had more time to look around. He wondered if Muraki's research could be applied to his own work with shinigami/hollow hybrids. If so, then this alliance could have more worth than mere survival.

Another keypad, another code, and Aizen found himself in a well furnished living room.

"Please sit down." Muraki gestured toward a plush couch, and sat down in a much less comfortable looking chair.

For a moment the two men simply looked at each other; sizing the other up and looking for weakness. Finally, Muraki smiled. Aizen wondered if the man's smiles ever reached his eyes.

"The first step," Muraki said, "is to rebuild your traveling device. Let's start by compiling a list of necessary parts."

Aizen nodded. "An excellent idea." He crafted a carefully ponderous expression, which was quite a feat considering he was wracking his brain trying to remember what the necessary parts _were_. Damn Urahara. Aizen wouldn't be surprised if the man had left those blueprints in the trash purposefully, somehow knowing that Aizen would find himself in a situation like this. He was going to hurt Urahara. Yes, right after he hurt Gin.

"Aizen-san?" Muraki's voice brought Aizen's violent fantasies crashing down,

"Ah, forgive me, Sensei. I was distracted." Right, causing horrible, inventive pain to his despised enemies would have to wait. He focused on the knowledge that was slowly coming back to him.

"The basic frame is steel. The panels are tin. There are several motors which are powered by a mixture of gasoline, nitroglycerin, and tapioca pudding."

To his credit, Muraki didn't even raise an eyebrow. "Go on," he said evenly.

"A high powered blast of radiation is required to start it up. Oh, and of course, the espresso machine is vital."

This, coupled with the pudding was apparently too much for Muraki to take. "An espresso machine?" he said skeptically.

Aizen scowled. "I didn't design it."

Muraki shook his head and smiled. "I see. Do forgive my interruption."

"Those are the main components. The rest can be added as needed."

"All right then." Muraki stood up. "Well then, Aizen-san, it's getting late. There's a guest bedroom down that hallway to your left. Please take advantage of it. We have much to do tomorrow."

The two men parted ways, each busy with his own plans, schemes, and ways to double cross the other.

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A/N: Wow, that only took me four months. I'm sorry for the wait everyone. It's not even a very funny chapter. But, hey, at least Aizen got to fantasize about murdering people.

Thanks for reading everyone. Hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner.


	3. In Which More Ado Is Made Over the Name

**Chapter Three: In Which More Ado is Made Over the Name Kurosaki and Hisoka and Rukia Prove That You Always Hurt the Ones You Love**

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Ichigo was running. He was running like mad. He had to keep running. He was being chased by dozens of Chappy Bunnies. He didn't bother to try and fight. He knew that he wouldn't win.

Ichigo didn't dare look behind him. He knew that if he did, all of the Chappies would be carrying raspberry mochas.

They were gaining on him. He knew that they were gaining on him. He could hear their whispering voices getting louder. They all sounded exactly like Rukia. Why did they all sound like Rukia? If only he could make out what they were saying…

"Wake up, you idiot!" A sharp kick to the head sent Ichigo sprawling. He blinked a few times, trying to see past the colored spots that were dancing in front of his eyes. "Rukia…" he muttered, dazed. Then his brain kicked in. "Geez, Rukia, what did you do that for?"

Rukia shrugged. "You weren't waking up.

"Did you have to kick me in the head?"

"Maybe not, but I wanted to."

Ichigo was about to retort, when a dry voice interrupted him.

"Excuse me?"

Ichigo and Rukia turned their heads toward the blond young man Ichigo had seen before he passed out. Wasn't his name Hisoka? Yeah, Kurosaki Hisoka. Thinking about it gave Ichigo a headache.

"Yes?" Rukia responded very sweetly, ignoring Ichigo's glare.

"I was wondering if we could discuss why you two are here."

The older man, Tsuzuki, nodded. "Rukia filled us in one the details while you were sleeping."

Ichigo scowled. "Why should you get involved?"

"We're shinigami," Tsuzuki answered. "Spiritual disturbances in Japan are our job."

Ichigo blinked. "You're shinigami?" He looked at Rukia, who shrugged.

"Obviously things are different in this universe," she explained. "We need their help, you know. Even you can't think that taking on Aizen by yourself would be a good idea."

Ichigo glared at her. He wasn't afraid of Aizen! Sure, he had gotten his ass kicked last time, but he was a lot stronger now.

On the other hand, he hadn't turned down help the last time it was offered, and his friends had been invaluable in storming Soul Society.

"I guess you're right," he muttered.

Rukia preened. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?

"I said you're right!" shouted Ichigo, irritated. Rukia smirked.

Tsuzuki cleared his throat. "Anyway, Rukia has explained who this Aizen person is. Now we have to figure out where he is, and what he might do."

"How are we going to do that?" Ichigo asked. Sure, it was easy to talk about, but Aizen could be anywhere, and Ichigo didn't think that putting up "Lost megalomaniac--if found, please contact shinigami" posters was going to help.

"That's where I come in," a cheerful voice interjected. Ichigo turned and saw a blond man standing in the doorway. "Hi there," the man said. "I'm Watari Yutaka, resident mad scientist." He smiled a friendly smile and waved.

"Watari," Tsuzuki said accusingly, "you were standing outside, waiting to make the perfect entrance, weren't you?"

"Don't know what you're talking about," Watari assured nonchalantly. "Anyway," he said, addressing Ichigo and Rukia, "I think that if I can graph your spiritual energy, I could use it to find this Aizen guy. That is, if he has the same kind of spiritual energy that you two do."

Rukia and Ichigo looked at each other. Who knew what bizarre things Aizen might have done to himself?

"It should be the same," said Ichigo, after a pause, "but Aizen is kind of a freak."

Watari pulled out a pen and notepad and begin writing quickly. "Aizen equals freak," he muttered.

"Er, I don't think you need to write that down," Ichigo said awkwardly.

"All details must be recorded," Watari responded. He looked up. "You know, I don't think that I ever got your names." He gestured toward Rukia and Ichigo.

"I'm Kuchiki Rukia."

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

Watari raised an eyebrow. "Kurosaki, huh?" He looked at Hisoka, who shrugged. "Well, if I could have the two of you step into my laboratory, we can get started. Tsuzuki, Bon, you can come too."

They all followed Watari until they reached a somewhat battered door. Watari grabbed the knob and started yanking.

"The hinges are just a little bit welded together," he explained. "It's not a big deal. It just means that you have to pull a little." A few more hard jerks and the door flew open. Watari grinned. "See? No problem."

_What have we gotten ourselves into?_ thought Ichigo. He entered the lab with some trepidation. Trepidation that he decided was fully justified when he saw the state of the room. "Is that a toucan?" he heard himself ask.

"Yep." Watari's voice was proud. "That's 001." He pointed to a penguin. "That's 002, and this girl here is 003," he finished as a small owl fluttered down to sit on his shoulder. "They're all very pleased to meet you." He beamed.

"Great," Ichigo said weakly. "Are all shinigami everywhere total nutcases?" he muttered.

Rukia kicked him. "People in Soul Society aren't nutcases. Well, not all of them," she added grudgingly.

"If you two are done debating our mental stability," Hisoka interjected coldly, "perhaps we could get to work."

"Er, right." Ichigo straightened up and eyed the contraption that Watari was fussing over. "Is that what you're going to use to measure us?"

Watari nodded. "This is it. I call her Jessica-chan," he said with an affectionate smile. Ichigo felt his eye twitch. "So, who wants to go first?" Watari asked.

"We don't know how it will react with us. It might be dangerous," Ichigo announced. "I'll go first."

Rukia kicked him again. "_I'll_ go first." She stomped over to the machine.

"It's perfectly safe," Watari assured them. "Just stand right here, Rukia, and Jessica-chan will do all the work."

Ichigo was tempted to pull Rukia back, but he refrained. It would only make her madder. It wasn't that he thought that this Watari guy was evil. He just reminded Ichigo a little too much of Urahara. He watched apprehensively as Watari pulled a large lever, and the machine started to whir and beep. A red light passed over Rukia, and a stream of paper shot out of one end of the device.

Watari picked up the paper and scanned it, murmuring and making noises of interest. Finally, the whirring stopped, and Watari yanked the paper out. "Thank you, Rukia. All right, Ichigo, your turn."

Ichigo was relieved to see that Rukia didn't look hurt. He stepped under the machine feeling far less worried. Watari pulled the lever again.

It didn't feel like anything when the red light passed over Ichigo. The paper shooting out was the only sign that anything was being measured at all.

Ichigo jumped as the machine screeched loudly and the paper began to fly out even faster.

"Whoa!" Watari exclaimed as he grabbed the paper. He looked over it quickly. "Wow, kid, you're something else. Okay, that should do it." He pulled the lever, and the machine turned silent. "Now, I'll just code these results into my portable energy scanner, and then we should be ready to go Aizen hunting."

Ichigo was ready to grab Rukia and leave, when he heard feminine voices.

"Hello? Tsuzuki-chan?"

"Where is everybody?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Ichigo saw Hisoka freeze.

"Oh no," the blond young man murmured, sounding panicked. "It's _them_." He began to look around desperately, as if searching for a place to hide. Before Ichigo could ask what the hell was going on, two young women burst into the lab.

"So this is where you guys were," said the one with pigtails.

"Hisoka-kun, did you miss us?" exclaimed the girl with straight hair.

Ichigo could tell that Hisoka was prepared to send a biting retort, but before he could, the two women noticed Rukia.

"Eeee!" The girl with straight hair squealed. "She's so cute. What's your name?"

"Er," stammered Rukia, clearly unsettled by the attention, "I'm Kuchiki Rukia."

"Rukia-chan, it's Rukia-chan!" exclaimed the girl. "I'm Fukiya Yuma, and this is Torii Saya."

"Wouldn't she look fabulous in Pink House, Yuma?"

"She would, Saya, she really would."

"Hey," Ichigo said loudly, attempting to rescue Rukia from the crazy women. It didn't matter; they ignored him.

"She's little and cute."

Rukia scowled fiercely at that comment.

"We should put her in something straight from shoujo manga."

Immediately, Rukia's expression changed, and her eyes took on a hungry gleam. "You have shoujo manga?" she asked eagerly.

"Of course!" Saya nodded vigorously. "Would you like to read it?"

"Yes," Rukia replied quickly.

"Wonderful!" Saya and Yuma cheered. They seized Rukia's hands, and the women were off in flash, leaving behind three very confused men.

"So… Saya and Yuma, huh?" Ichigo commented, dazed.

"I'd like to say that you get used to them, but you don't," Hisoka said, voice heavy with resignation.

Ichigo shook his head. These people were all out of their fucking minds. "So, do you need me to do anything else?"

Watari thought for a moment, and then perked up. "I'd love to have a closer look at the device that you and your friend arrived in."

Ichigo noticed with some nervousness that Watari's expression was eerily similar to the one on Rukia's face when she had heard the words "shoujo manga." "Um, go ahead," he answered uneasily.

"Excellent." Watari grinned, then looked to the room's other occupants. "Bon, Tsuzuki, do you want to come along?"

Tsuzuki opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say was lost as he yelped loudly. Hisoak had yanked hard on his earlobe.

"We'd love to, Watari-san," Hisoka told the scientist, his polite tone at odds with his death grip on Tsuzuki's ear, "but Tatsumi-san will be furious if we don't finish the paperwork from our last case by the end of the day. It was a pleasure meeting you Ichigo." He bowed, and then strode purposefully away, Tsuzuki in tow.

Watari took it all in stride. "Their loss," he said distractedly. He turned to Ichigo. "The break room is down the hall to your left if you'd rather hang out there. We'll see about finding you a place to stay later." With that he left the room, his attention clearly focused elsewhere.

Since he didn't have anything better to do, Ichigo went looking for the break room. It wasn't hard to find and it seemed as good a place as any to kill some time, so he went in and prepared himself for the strenuous task of waiting.

He'd been waiting about fifteen minutes when someone walked in. He was a tall man with dark hair, pointed ears, and strange markings on his face. He studied Ichigo suspiciously for a minute. "You the alternate dimension kid?"

"Yeah," Ichigo answered gruffly. "Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Kurosaki, huh?"

Ichigo huffed in annoyance. "So what if we have the same last name? There're probably dozens of Kurosaki families in Japan," he snapped.

The man shrugged. "Two guys named Kurosaki, both shinigami. It's weird."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Hey, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm Terazuma Hajime, by the way."

"Pleased to meet you," mumbled Ichigo, clearly not pleased at all.

Terazuma didn't bother to try to make further conversation, getting a cup of coffee and leaving the room without saying anything more. Ichigo was glad to be left alone. These people weirded him out. He hoped that Rukia was all right. Sure, those girls had seemed harmless enough, but being separated in this alien place was a bad idea.

Ichigo tensed when heard loud, hurrying footsteps outside the door. He relaxed slightly, but not completely, when Tsuzuki's cheerful face appeared. "Hi there! How are you doing?"

"Fine," Ichigo replied curtly. He didn't feel like talking.

Tsuzuki's grin turned wry and understanding. "That badly, huh? Let's get you out of here. Do you have a place to stay?"

Ichigo shook his head. "Watari said we'd figure that out later."

"Then, you can stay with me!" Tsuzuki said brightly. "My house is really comfy. We could leave now."

The offer actually sounded good to Ichigo, but first… "I have to find Rukia," he explained.

Tsuzuki nodded. "Sure. If she's still with Saya and Yuma, then I know where they'll be." He left the break room, and Ichigo followed.

"So, Rukia's your partner, right?" Tsuzuki asked as they walked. When he saw Ichigo's suspicious glare, he shook his head quickly. "Not like that. I mean, your shinigami partner. Like Hisoka and me."

Ichigo thought it over. "Not officially. That's not really the way it works. But, I guess so, in a way." He paused. "Speaking of that Hisoka guy, aren't you supposed to be doing paperwork?"

Tsuzuki laughed nervously. "Well, Hisoka is better at that kind of stuff than me, and anyway, making sure that you and Rukia are all right is more important." He looked around conspiratorially. "We should probably hurry though" he whispered. "I told Hisoka that I had to use the bathroom." Ichigo rolled his eyes and decided that he did not want to get involved. "Oh, here we are," Tsuzuki said. Ichigo looked down the hall, and sure enough, there were Rukia and the two excitable shinigami girls, all deeply involved in the manga that they were reading.

"Rukia," said Ichigo, trying to get her attention. When she didn't seem to notice, he scowled. "Hey, Rukia!"

She looked up and scowled right back. "What?"

"I'm going to be staying with Tsuzuki until this whole stupid mess is over. What about you?"

"Rukia-chan is staying with us," Saya (or possibly Yuma) chirped, hugging Rukia's arm. "We're going to have lots of fun."

"Er, all right." Ichigo backed away. He suspected that this was a Girl Thing, and that if he valued his sanity and his masculinity, he should stay far, far away. "Let's get going," he told Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki nodded. "Don't worry; everything's going to be just fine." He waved good bye to the girls. "I know! When we get back to my place, I'll cook you up a feast."

Ichigo felt upbeat despite himself. Free food was always good, right?

"Tsuzuki Asato, where the hell are you?!"

Tsuzuki's eyes widened. "Run!" was all he said before bolting.

Ichigo sighed, taking off after him. These people were _insane_.

The next morning, Ichigo was fighting off waves of nausea. _Note to self_ he thought, cradling his head in his hands, _never eat Tsuzuki's cooking ever, ever again_. He stumbled along, following Tsuzuki who was, quite unfairly, suffering from no ill effects.

They were greeted at the entrance of the building by an enraged Hisoka.

"It's about time you showed up, Tsuzuki," he snapped. "What the hell were you thinking, leaving like that?"

Tsuzuki drooped and looked at Hisoka piteously. "I'm sorry Hisoka. I was just—"

"Just nothing," Hisoak interrupted angrily. "Tatsumi-san is livid, and so am I." His tirade came to a halt when he looked at Ichigo. "Are you all right?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Tsuzuki's… cooking," Ichigo managed to get out.

"Oh." Hisoka winced, and his voice was sympathetic and understanding.

Tsuzuki's face grew even more pitiful. "Everyone is so mean," he whined.

Hisoka glared at him again. "You deserve it. Now, come on. This may shock you, but we have work to do." He looked in Ichigo's direction. "You should come too. This concerns you." Without another word, he strode quickly away, with Tsuzuki following obediently behind. Lacking a better option, Ichigo went after them.

He was led to Watari's lab, where the scientist and Rukia were already waiting. "Hey there," Watari greeted. "Now that everyone's here, we can get down to business." He held up an object that looked something like a barcode scanner. "I've got Ichigo and Rukia's spiritual energy readings in here. Now you can go Aizen hunting."

"But, this guy could be anywhere," Tsuzuki pointed out. "Are we just going to search randomly across Japan?"

"Excellent question!" Watari gave Tsuzuki a thumbs up. "I've thought it over, and I've decided that Aizen is most likely to appear somewhere in Kyushu."

"Why Kyushu?" Hisoka asked.

"It's simple," Watari explained. "Whenever something chaotic, destructive, or just plan insane happens, it usually happens to you two."

Tsuzuki and Hisoka considered Watari's statement. "I guess I can't argue with that," Tsuzuki admitted reluctantly.

"Exactly. Now, here's the scanner; you kids have fun."

"You're not coming with us?" Rukia interjected.

"Nope, I've got plenty to do here. But, don't worry! The scanner's easy to work. You'll be fine. So, hop down to the human world and get looking. Try Nagasaki, for a start. Oh, you and Ichigo should hold on to Tsuzuki and Bon. There's no telling if your powers will let you teleport between our worlds."

Ichigo felt weird holding on to Tsuzuki's arm, but he complied. Rukia did the same with Hisoka. He saw Watari waving… and then he was standing on a side walk in a bustling city. He looked around.

"Why Nagasaki?" Rukia asked.

"I guess it's as good a place to start looking as any other," Hisoka answered.

"Well, Tsuzuki said brightly, "shall we get started?"

Ichigo looked at the scanner in his hands and pressed the big red button. A small screen lit up, showing two bright red dots at the bottom edge.

Rukia peered at the contraption. "Those dots must be us."

Ichigo stood up straight. "All right," he said confidently, "let's go that way." He pointed in a random direction. And with that, the four shinigami began their search.

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A/N: Oh my god, it's an update! And they said it couldn't be done. A million thanks and apologies to everyone who's still reading this.


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